Peach Friedman
author, educator & trainer
intuitive fitness for women

Why is it so scary to speak our mind?

Because I am known among family & friends as a loud mouth, and I’m comfortable speaking to large audiences, it might come as a surprise that I sometimes shy away from speaking up for myself.

I don’t have this problem with my immediate family. I was raised by highly communicative parents who encouraged me to share my feelings, thoughts, and ideas at home. Because of this, I have no problem interrupting my father to tell him I disagree, or objecting to some idea my mother has if I feel differently. Even my husband is getting used to my confrontational style and supports me in my need for truth-telling and honesty.

I believe, fiercely, in the truth. I wish, even, that we could truth-tell more often. The truth (ha, ha) is, this isn’t always appropriate. Outside of my family circle, where my intentions are understood, truth-telling when the truth hurts, as they say, can be hurtful and sometimes pointless. For instance, we don’t need to tell our foes Hey, by the way, I don’t like you; that isn’t really getting us anywhere, is it?

Still, there are small ways I can stand up for myself and speak my truth outside of my home, without being offensive, and it’s a good practice for many women (many of whom tend to worry about taking care of others a lot more than necessary!). And while we don’t want to be cruel or intentionally hurtful, it’s certainly okay to ask for what we want.

For example, it took me years to be able to tell a massage therapist that I don’t like having my face touched. I was worried about hurting their feelings or making them feel badly for something they did. So instead of speaking my mind, I would cringe through that part of the massage, and run to the bathroom to wash my face off afterwards. For some reason that felt easier than simply saying how I felt. Then one day, shaking with nerves I said, Please don’t touch my face. I don’t know what I was so afraid of–the response was a cheerful, Okay, no problem!

A little exchange such as this one can feel so empowering! To ask for what we want in life and to get it? To realize that we are worth it? Fantastic.

Speaking up about weightier topics, such as sex, money, core values, or raising children can feel even scarier but can yield even more powerful results. I told my husband recently that I was working more on speaking out and standing up for myself and he laughed, Yeah right, cause you never speak your mind! When it comes to these big tickets items I listed above, he gets an earful in the home.

What does this have to do with my usual topic of bodies and eating disorders? Just this: in recovery, we learn to own ourselves, to be proud of who we are and to honor our uniqueness. Speaking up is another way of doing this.

So now I ask you: in what ways are you shying from speaking your mind? I invite you to stand in your power and own your feelings, desires, and thoughts. Ask for what you want!