Peach Friedman
author, educator & trainer
intuitive fitness for women

The most obvious benefit of going through recovery for an eating disorder is, well, recovering. But did you know recovery will follow you for the rest of your life, everywhere you go?

Right now I realize how much recovery prepared me for parenthood. I was just in my kitchen, making my favorite oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, listening to my husband finish reading Victoria her bedtime story. And then I heard her start crying. When Jeffrey came into the kitchen I said, “Oh, just give her another bottle of milk. Warm it up. She’ll go right down.” And then Jeffrey said, “We shouldn’t do that, ya know.” And I said, “Yeah, I know, but it’s easier sometimes.”

He warmed the bottle, went back into her room, and I finished mixing the cookie batter thinking to myself, “Am I the only parent whose parenting ideals don’t always match the reality!?” I imagined posting this exact question on Facebook, and getting a whole slew of replies from friends commiserating with me. We try so hard, as parents! We have the idea and intention to do everything just so. And some moms and dads, bless their super-parent status, actually manage to live up to their ideals. But not me. My sixteen-month-old still drinks out of a bottle even though she’s surrounded by sippy-cup experts. And if she’s fussy at bedtime, sometimes I don’t make her tough it out–sometimes I give her an extra one with warm milk.

And sometimes she doesn’t have the perfect, well rounded meal that the doctors say to feed her. And sometimes her outfit doesn’t match. And sometimes, when mommy is having a hard day, she plays by herself a lot. Sometimes (rarely, I promise!) I even talk on the phone when she wants me to read her a book.

Actually, just writing this down makes my heart ache with guilt. I love my little lamb of a downy girl. I love her with all my flesh and blood and bones, with every ounce of energy I have. I hate admitting that not every moment is perfect! But as I slid the cookie sheet into the oven I realized something kind of key: maybe some of my ideals for parenting ought to include being flexible and allowing for variation and forgiving myself. As soon as I made this little list in my head, I popped back in time to those days of recovery, when I had to learn to let go of all the rules. The food rules, the exercise rules, the cleaning rules, and so on. I had to just…let…go.

Who knew my tools from treatment would come in handy so many years later, in such a different circumstance? I knew, actually–I knew because it’s already proven itself to me. My eating disorder was a result of an underlying condition. A few underlying conditions, maybe. But the eating disorder was just the symptom. And while I’m recovered from that particular ailment, I’m still human and I have to remember to apply the lessons of self-love, relaxing, forgiving, and moving on, to all areas of my life.

And to my little one: I am so glad that extra bottle of warm milk put you to sleep so sweetly in your crib. I just checked on you, and you were breathing the deep breath of little dreams. I will do my best every day to be a good mommy, to love us both along the way.