Peach Friedman
author, educator & trainer
intuitive fitness for women

I have a vivid memory of my San Francisco therapist suggesting that I learn to self-soothe. Do what!? But that sounds like so much work! I think the memory is so strong because of this internal reaction. I did not want to self-soothe! I wanted my mother, or a man, or someone outside of me to be the nurturer, to provide all the protection and security and soothing so that I could just let go and be cared for.

I was so scared by the idea of taking on the responsibility of caring for myself that I couldn’t imagine a world where I wasn’t leaning on another to relieve my pain. I couldn’t imagine that I might be strong enough, and comfortable enough, to give this to myself. To, in essence, mother myself.

It’s been through not just recovering from my eating disorder that I eventually learned to nurture myself, but also through becoming a mother to my daughter Victoria. Through all of that hard work, I have honed the skill of self-care, and I understand now why soothing myself in times of stress is an invaluable practice. Of course, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have people to lean on–in fact, I think it’s being vulnerable and asking for help that really builds relationships (with other people, with God). But it’s also knowing how to turn inward and seek the mother within my own self that has helped me to grow strong enough to be able to actually be a mother to my daughter, and be there for my husband in his times of need. In order to extend out in these roles, I had to also be able to reach inward and tend to my own wounds, my own needs.

This is my second Mother’s Day as an actual mom, and while I am grateful for the extra pampering my family gives me on this particular day, I am especially grateful for all the hard lessons I’ve learned along the way that have made me into the mother I am now. The mother to Victoria, and the woman who can, sometimes, be mommy to herself.

To all of you out there–mothers, daughters, fathers, & sons–we are each a mother to something. To some creation, to some blossoming. May you learn to nurture the self as you continue to nurture your loved ones, and your passions.

And, as an aside, if you haven’t already tried these cookies, then you must! They are perfect.