this morning i’m opening my doors to a dozen incredible women to share a “mindfulness retreat” – two yoga classes, a gourmet vegetarian lunch, and a nutrition q & a with my knowledgeable dietitian friend.

my children now see the house as a playground for their own downward dogs…

my daughter, on the other hand, has lots of time for art.

i think this one looks like she’s dancing

can’t you tell!

five things my mom taught me:

1. just rest. you don’t have to sleep.
when i was a little girl, i’d lie in bed and whine i’m not tired, mama, i don’t want to sleep… to which my mom would reply, then don’t sleep, sweetheart. just rest. now, as an adult, this bit of wisdom means so much more. i use it on my own child, but i also use it on myself. if i can’t sleep because i’m anxious or if i can’t sleep because my children don’t let me, i recite my mom’s voice whispering, just rest, sweetheart.

2. mother the mother.
my mom made sacrifices for her children, but she didn’t sacrifice everything. she taught me, by example, that self-care is critical. she stayed home to raise us, but she also made time for herself to exercise, socialize with friends, and take breaks from mothering. she dressed up for parties and left me with babysitters. she traveled with my father to paris. she went to dance classes and took walks with friends. she wasn’t the arts-and-crafts type of mom, or the PTA type of mom. she was a womanly mom, teaching by example. i am deeply grateful for this. beyond words.

3. just be “good enough.”
sometimes, striving to be perfect really ruins things. when overachieving can’t cut it, just do ‘enough’. accept the imperfections and the consequences that come from that. it isn’t so bad this way, really, sometimes it’s best.

4. you don’t need to measure for pancakes or cookies.
somehow i’ve inherited the ability to make chocolate chip cookies and pancakes from scratch without pulling out a measuring cup or spoon. it’s weird, but i have my mom to thank for it.

5. the body matters.
i’m pretty sure i would not be a yoga teacher if my mom didn’t own a studio herself.

happy birthday, mom! i love you!

not sure i can survive without my morning cup of joe. or my evening brownie. i’ve decided these are good crutches, and i’m grateful for the abundance in my life that i have these two bitter (& sweet) treats every single day.

wise men count their blessings; fools count their problems.

Peter naps well, but still doesn’t sleep through the night.

He’s getting awfully strong.

my office:

the thing is, it’s such a good life being a stay at home mom. today, i got my exercise walking with the double stroller through our neighborhood, then i blow-dried my hair while the kids watched pollyanna. next we packed lunches to meet a group of friends at the airport to watch the planes take off and land (“Ooooh! Airplanes!”) and besides the fact that i mopped my kitchen floor and sunroom (yuck) and have a huge pile of laundry to fold and another dirty pile to wash (yuck) i am also baking bread while i blog because both kids are napping, and i don’t have to answer to a boss…well, besides the checkbook and my husband, who is more like a co-owner.

can i be the CEO?

where the sun only sometimes shines

the rest of the time it’s foggy and cold

but i did my requisite cartwheel on the beach anyway

so while she played on the floor this morning with her baby brother, i made these biscuits for breakfast.

lately, victoria even wants her toast shaped like a heart, so i hoped the sweet shapes would entice her to try something new.

she liked them best with honey.

it’s strange how it happened, that she went from eating lots of yummy veggies and grains as a baby to being a picky toddler living on hot dogs, but i think it was the natural desire of a mom and dad who just want their kid to eat that led us to the bulk hot dogs in the freezer. also, my background with eating disorders means i don’t like to limit or restrict foods. i eat the way i eat because it’s what my body likes & responds to best. remember this discussion?

after biscuits for breakfast we went on a family run, then to church, then on errands. here’s two of my three loves, bringing home the milk & bread.

This is the conversation I had with myself, lying in bed, on Tuesday afternoon. Piles of laundry needed to be folded and put away. The kitchen floor needed to be mopped. My 2-year-old had diarrhea in the cupboard (don’t ask) and I’d left my baby boy looking longingly in his blue bouncy chair for most of the morning while I tended to other things.

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!?

things i love:
really good, fresh food
yoga
my babies!
being all alone with my husband
girly afternoons with wine and pretty dresses

This next ‘year’ (that starts at the end of August–I still think of the academic calendar & autumn being the true fresh start) was supposed to involve returning to school to begin a Master’s in Counseling program. False start one was back in 2008, pregnant with my daughter. False start two is with a sweet baby boy who still needs his mama’s milk, and a mama who isn’t sleeping through the night. So, now school is on the calendar for Fall 2012 (what will happen then?) and this next year looms ahead…

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

me, lately:
teaching yoga
very, very tired
needs a hair redo

I’m making a few goals for this year. They go like this:
1) A weekly food budget that spills over, so, if I spend less it goes into the pot for the following week or can be saved up for a special dinner out or holiday meal
2) One date every month with my hubby
3) Once a month, spend a quality morning/afternoon with each child, just the two of us
4) Lots of time with girlfriends that also involves wine & chocolate
5) Teach as much yoga as possible,
and…
Try to make it beautiful, Peach

I climbed out of bed that afternoon, overwhelmed but trying to make it beautiful. I made spinach & tomato quiche with whole wheat crust. The kitchen got messy. My son woke up crying half way through and my daughter woke up with (more) diarrhea just as I finished.

my life is:
chaotic
perfect
(those words go side by side)

My dear friend Gina told me today on the phone that part of what makes her family life and marriage magic is that “It’s messy sometimes.”

My quiche was delicious –
so are my life plans.

Last night, baby P woke up six times, I think. I slept three hours, I think. This morning my daughter’s friend came to play at our house. I held baby P in my arms and took this sweet photograph of them gossiping over snacktime.

Two false starts or not –
whether I ever go or not –
Tired or not –
I have these blessed babies, sweet & sour lumps of flesh. I have them in my arms only for now. “This is only one short season in our lives” another friend posted on my Facebook wall recently.

One short season
Two round babies
A very tired mother –
It’s really a very exquisitely beautiful mess.