At my recent
talk, I identified five main symptoms of
Exercise Bulimia:
1) Insistence on maintaining a high level of activity; intense fear at states of relaxationThis person seeks out all opportunities to move, such as taking extra trips up stairs, walking instead of driving, or taking the long way to a destination. S/he feels intense anxiety when forced to rest or sit still for a duration.
(Source: Alayne Yates, author of "Compulsive Exericse and Eating Disorders.")2) Strict devotion to a regimented exercise routineThis person uses the same method to exercise at the same time each day, despite illness or poor weather. For example, a 10 mile run around the same loop every morning before freakfast, or a 5pm workout on the same machine at the gym after work. S/he feels intense anxiety if unable to fulfill this ritual. S/he does not allow for variation for fatigue or soreness, or interest to try new things.
3) Prioritization of exercise routine over other activitiesThis person prioritizes workouts over family functions, social dates, work, school, and other activities. For example, s/he may prefer to stay home rather than go on vacation in case preferred exercise equipment/fitness class/a track for running isn't available. This individual does not feel "okay" until s/he has exercised.
4) Identity = ExerciseThis person's self-worth and identity are defined by their workouts. S/he feels that, without exercise, they have nothing. If you asked this person to tell you about themselves, they would talk about their fitness routine. S/he defines him/herself, in large part, through the relationship to exercise.
5) Motivated by guilt, fear or anxiety; motivated by desire to "fix flaws"I save possibly the most important for last. When people ask me how it's possible for one person to exercise seven days a week before breakfast and
not have a disordered relationship with exercise, and another person to exercise sporatically yet
have a disordered relationship with exercise, I respond with one word: "motivation."
Exercise Bulimia is so difficult to diagnose, and so under-diagnosed, in part because of this fine line. We know that movement is healthy for bodies. We know that it's healthy for our bones, our organs, our skin, our self-esteem, our energy level. For these reasons, you might argue that some of the characteristics I identify as being symptoms of Exercise Bulimia could actually be signs of a healthy, disciplined person seeking movement in their day to day life. Many professionals, for example, actually recommend parking far away from the mall and taking the stairs instead of the elevator. So How do you distinguish the disordered behavior from the healthy behavior?
Motivation. Why are you taking the stairs instead of the elevator? Are you afraid of your thighs? Are you insistent on taking every opportunity to burn calories? Are you feeling guilty for the piece of cake you ate last night?
Or, do you delight in the extra burst of energy? Are you excited because a friend is coming to visit, so excited you just can't sit still, and the exuberant feeling of skipping up the stairs enlivens you?
I educate my clients to
listen to their bodies. Sometimes, the body wants to move a little extra. Sometimes the body is tired, and needs to rest. Sometimes the body is tired and needs to move! The only way to effectively respond to your body in a caring, nurturing way, is to get to know it.
Everyone's body is different. What's right for someone else may not be right for you. Magazines that advertise articles claiming to "fix your belly flaws" by religiously following a series of abdominal exercises were written by a journalist who has never met you, doesn't know what it's like to live in
your body, and is writing the article for a paycheck, because she knows that millions of insecure girls will pick it up and read it, hoping to feel better about themselves, but who will end up feeling worse, and take the stairs an extra time not because they're excited and happy and feel like hopping around, but because they think there is something wrong with them.
Motivation. When I was sick, my motivation was based in my disgust with my body. I was motivated by anxiety (afraid that I would get fat if I didn't starve and over-exercise), guilt (that I had eaten at all the day before, or that I had ever felt pleasure in my body), and punishment (the harder I push myself, the more it hurts, the stronger I am). It was based in my desire to dissolve myself, to disappear. My motivation was to escape pain.
Unfortunately, the harder I pushed myself to escape pain, the more pain I eventually felt. I had built an
Identity around exercise. I had
Prioritized it to the degree that my social world collapsed and I had nothing but my fitness
Regimen left. I had raised my fitness baseline so high that
Any state of rest felt unbearable. And my
Motivation was founded in my illness.
For anyone who has struggled with a disordered or unhappy relationship with exercise, building a healthy love of movement can take time. Patience, forgiveness, and the practice of self-care
(Is this choice I'm making good for me? Am I doing it because I love myself and want to treat my body?) all help train the body and mind to move toward a healthy, balanced relationship with fitness. Remember how I define fitness!?
Fitness means feeling good!!I'm thinking about all of this tonight as I prepare for my October 5 talk in San Diego at the
NEDA Conference. I would love to hear from any of you who might be attending! And always, I love to hear from my readers, so random emails are welcomed.
RSS