Peach Friedman: Author, Eating Disorders Educator & Personal Fitness Trainer

Cultivate Your Ideal Relationship with Exercise

2008-11-16T18:10:00.001-08:00

I was leading a discussion to a group of women on Friday about cultivating their ideal relationship with movement. I asked them to close their eyes, take a few deep breaths to come into the body, and then to and picture themselves as they are right now.

Then I said to them, Now picture yourself moving, doing any activity. Cleaning the house, walking the dog, working out at the gym, dancing, whatever comes to mind first. (Keep breathing, feel your feet on the floor.) Now notice how you feel. If you don't like the feeling, or if the image you're holding in your mind's eye is uncomfortable or somehow doesn't please you, slowly begin to tweak it. Consider where you are . . . consider whether you're alone or with friends . . . consider what you're doing . . . tweak the image in any way you like, freeing yourself of any limitations. The picture can be outlandish or commonplace. You could be hiking across a glacier or stretching in the park. Anything goes, as long as the picture in your mind cultivates a good feeling inside you. This can be a feeling of exhilaration, calm, happiness, excitement--anything that feels somehow good to you, in your body, in your mind. Stay with this image, and begin to notice its qualities: Are you indoors or outside? Is the light bright where you are, or soft? Are you alone? If you're with others, who are you with: A big group of people, your best friend, your husband, your dog? Are you moving quickly or slowly? Are you doing something you did when you were a kid? Something you've never tried that terrifies you? Notice whatever qualities you changed when you tweaked the image in order to cultivate pleasure in the body.

When I asked the women to finally open their eyes and share with the group what they were visualizing, smiles lit up on their faces. One woman was dancing. Another was skiing--something she hasn't let herself do for fear of failure or embarrassment.

Me a couple of winters ago, freeing myself from limitations and following my husband across a snowy mountain!

I gave the group a homework assignment: to take a few minutes over the weekend to write down what they pictured. And then, to make a list of all the things that are currently getting in the way of this fantasy becoming a reality. I advised them that some of their reasons will be legitimate--a frozen shoulder may limit us from winning a tennis match, and finances may keep us from taking skydiving lessons this week--but other reasons will be excuses: for example, I don't have time to play in the park with my kids because of my busy job (even though I manage to find time to shop online for an hour over my lunch break), or I can't dance wildly in the living room because there's not enough space. I asked the group to mark next to each item which one was a legitimate reason, and which was an excuse. Then, taking into consideration legitimate limitations and brainstorming for ways to overcome excuses, they were assigned to help each other find manageable ways to move closer toward this ideal relationship with fitness.

Visualization is a powerful tool: once we actually let ourselves 'dream big,' we are one step closer to living that dream. My daddy always said to me, "Aim high, Peach! You can do anything you want to do." I'm so grateful for that strong message. Like everyone, I struggle with my own fears and limitations, but my dad's inspiring voice of freedom and permission has let me try (and sometimes even succeed!) in areas I never would have thought imaginable.

Review in People Magazine

2008-11-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

You can read my recent review in People magazine here!

Yesterday's KCRA TV Interview

2008-11-07T09:33:00.000-08:00

You can watch my television interview yesterday here.

Book Review in People Magazine

2008-11-07T09:29:00.001-08:00

My book, Diary of an Exercise Addict is reviewed in the November 17 issue of People Magazine, on news stands today!

Book Reviews

2008-11-06T15:55:00.000-08:00

A couple of book reviews...
here
and here

Book Signing and TV Today!

2008-11-06T08:39:00.001-08:00

For all local Sacramentans:
I'll be on KCRA News at Noon today.
I'll be signing books at the Arden Fair Barnes and Noble tonight at 7pm!
I'll be signing books at Book Lovers Cafe on Madison Ave on Saturday at noon!

Interview Podcast

2008-11-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

I was interviewed on local radio yesterday. Listen here!.

Interview Upcoming on Oprah & Friends Radio Network

2008-10-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

I'm taping an interview today with Bob Greene on the Oprah & Friends Radio Network, XM Satellite Radio channel 156! Not sure yet when it will air, but I'll keep you posted! I'll be talking about my book, Diary of an Exercise Addict.

Order my book on Kindle

2008-10-20T17:58:00.000-07:00

I just found out that my book is available on Kindle!

Pregnancy and Comparison

2008-10-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

So, I work with eating disorders. I educate groups of young people about fostering positive body image in their communities. I am passionate about this work; I believe in empowering individuals that their bodies are beautiful just as they are, and I encourage women and girls to avoid comparing their bodies to other people's bodies: celebrities, friends, family members, strangers on the street, etc. I believe this often leads us to doubt our own natural shape and size, and that doubt can lead to all sorts of yucky feels and unhealthy behaviors.

So, this is my work, and this is my passion. And now I'm 25 weeks pregnant and making all the mistakes I teach other people not to make! It seems that all I can do is compare my belly to other pregnant women's bellies, and the verdict is: I am huge. I see women in yoga class who tell me they're about as far along as I am, and I'm twice as big. I meet women in the drugstore who want to know when I'm due, and their eyes widen when they ask me, "Are you sure you're not having twins??" I have been asked this question more times than I can count. I'm dreaming it at night: twins. The fact is, I'm not having twins. I know this for a fact, thanks to technology. And I have no idea why my belly is so big. But more importantly, why do I care?

Opening adorable baby gifts at a shower in Virginia last weekend

In fact, I'm so used to hearing other people tell me how enormous my belly is that I've started saying it first, before they have a chance. I ran into a woman the other day who is also pregnant (and smaller than I am, yes) and just started calling out, "I'm huge! Wow! Look how huge I am!" Then I went home and wrote her an email apologizing. I should know better! And I should.

The fact is--big or small, size doesn't define beauty. And this I do know. My husband tells me twenty times a day how beautiful I am. He loves my round belly, and he especially loves knowing his little baby girl is growing safely inside there. He reassures me about this fact almost constantly, and for that I am very grateful.

You know, some days I feel adorable. I've gotten into dressing to show off my tummy, and I love going to yoga class in tight clothes with half my belly poking out beneath my shirt. Most of the time I enjoy the smiles and attention from strangers who tell me I look like I'm glowing, and ask if it's a girl or a boy. But being around other pregnant woman, I'm struggling with comparison. Like at the OB last week, in the waiting room. Shouldn't I feel at ease with a room full of round-bellied women? Instead I felt...a touch self-conscious.

You know what's even worse? The books. The dreaded pregnancy books that are written to help me feel safe and confident with all the stages of pregnancy. While well-intended I'm sure, it seems that every other page mentions the correct amount of weight to gain, and some of the most popular books even warn against gaining too much weight if you want to be sure (gasp! oh no!) you lose it all post-partum. Let it be known that I put aside all of these books sometime late in the first trimester--I may feel a little insecure when I see other pregnant women, but I know my body very well. And I trust it. It knows what it wants to eat, when it wants to eat, and how much it wants to eat. I don't worry about weight gain.

Alas, despite all the knowledge I have, and all the years of work that went into developing my own positive body image, I too am susceptible to self-doubt. Pregnancy is a new experience, and every day I encounter some physical change that I didn't expect. It's pretty cool actually--I feel like I'm going through a right of passage of womanhood and I know there's no looking back from this point forward. I'm grateful for my new mama-body: bigger boobs, rounder hips and belly, glossy hair. But still, I'm human, and I forgive myself those moments of self-doubt thought and careless proclamations: "I'm huge!!"

Book Update

2008-10-05T14:36:00.001-07:00

Things are starting to happen! I spent the afternoon in Oakland yesterday, signing copies of my book, Diary of an Exercise Addict, at the NCIBA Trade Show. And, there's an article in today's Sacramento Bee about my book. Yippie!

Up and Coming!

2008-09-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

Just back from NEDA, and had a great time--so much inspiration, so much to learn! I presented on a panel with several other women who are doing related work with helping people recover from exercise abuse. It was a great conference as always!

Now I'm gearing up for a very busy season: Summit is hosting a fabulous CEU event for eating disorder professionals on October 3rd, then I fly back to Virginia for a wedding, and then on November 4th, not only do we elect a new president, but my book is released! That, with the holidays, and my ever growing belly, makes for a busy end of the year.

I hope I find some time in there to bake for the holidays, knit for my baby, visit with friends and enjoy time with family!

NEDA 2008

2008-09-19T04:46:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to say I'm off to the annual NEDA Conference where I'll be speaking on Saturday, on a panel with several others. Hope to connect with a few of you while I'm there!

Learning to be Lazy

2008-09-14T14:09:00.001-07:00

The thing about being pregnant: it's exhausting! I'm generally your typical "Type-A": running a mile a minute, accomplishing twelve hundred things every day, and taking pride in those accomplishments (even things as small as finishing the laundry or finding my husband's matching socks). In my first trimester, however, I had to adjust to a whole new me...

Loving friends offered nice reminders, But Peach, you are accomplishing something! You're growing a life inside you! Every day you are contributing to your little baby's growth and development! Hmm. Excellent point. And I imagine when she actually comes out of my body, I'll be able to see the fruits of my labor (literally) and appreciate that these 9-10 months were put to good use and that all my eating and sleeping paid off. But on those fatigued days, with no real tangible mile markers, how can a Type-A like me feel satisfied when the laundry is piling up and I haven't managed to get out the door for a walk?

Thankfully I'm now into my second trimester, and my energy is back. Not 100%, but maybe 80-85%. I'm practicing yoga again, taking walks, checking things off my to-do list at work, cleaning the house, running errands--all of my normal responsibilities and hobbies. There's still some differences, such as my stamina--I can't seem to walk quite as far as I'm accustomed to, nor can I hold every Warrior II as long as the teacher instructs, but the primary difference: I need extra sleep. I've learned not to schedule anything before 11am, and my husband has sweetly accepted that cuddling is off limit in the morning! It's just me, my Snoogle Deluxe, and those extra Z's.

Some days, I wonder if I'll ever be the old Peach again. Will I get back to 100% of my energy and endurance? Or will the tired days of pregnancy transition into sleepless nights with a crying babe? Either way, it's pretty cool to learn something so new. Women have been doing this since time began, and wow, has my appreciation for mothers multiplied! Even my appreciation for myself.

Loving kindness, extra sleep, and a few deep breaths. I'm halfway there now.

Belly Burn

2008-09-04T14:24:00.000-07:00

I have a Nike swoosh on my belly. It hurts. Let me explain...

I'm growing. In fact, I'm big enough to get comments from strangers (at the grocery store, "Oh, look at your cute belly! When are you due?"), and I'm also knocking into all sorts of things (doors, counter tops, even walls!) because I'm not yet accustomed to my size.

I was teaching a group today, doing some body awareness exercises, and I had the realization that I've not yet fully embodied my new pregnant size: I don't look in the mirror all that often, and I'm so unaware of how much I've grown that I don't open the door wide enough to fit comfortably through, or allow enough space between my body and the sink when I'm washing up at night. I even burned myself the other day! Hence, the Nike swoosh.

My husband was on a rafting trip with friends, and I was at home alone, hot, hungry, and in a hurry. Hot enough that I had pulled my strapless dress down around my hips so that it was a skirt, and my belly was bare. Hungry enough that I was baking frozen breaded chicken tenders from Trader Joe's that I'd pulled out the freezer, and in such a hurry that I pulled the baking tray out quickly, completely unaware of where my body ended and the air began, and, yep, seared a big Nike swoosh shaped burn right under my belly button. It's amazingly centered!

I spent the next hour with a frozen bag of peas on my belly, and the hour after that with a frozen stick of butter in its place. Then I unwrapped the butter, smeared it over my burning hot Nike swoosh, and fell asleep.

I'm realizing now, five days later, as the burn has turned into a bright red looking thing, that it will likely scar. So I'm reminding myself this week of the fact that I might want to practice what I teach: body awareness. My shape continues to evolve as it never has before, and I have a lot of catching up to do!

Summer's End

2008-09-01T15:05:00.000-07:00

Here we are recognizing another Labor Day: another Monday off of work, another summer winding down. This time of year, I always wish I was back in school, reading lots of books and filling my days with learning. Of course, my days are filled with learning since that's just life, right? I can't seem to get through a day without being challenged in some way that lets me learn and grow from some new situation.

This has been one of the most memorable summers of my life. From my wedding and honeymoon to my first pregnancy, I've spent half my time blissed-out, and the other half miserable with morning sickness and massive fatigue. Somewhere in between all of that physical and emotional energy output, I've managed to squeeze in a few fun weekend trips...

My sister and I hiking together at Echo Lake, near Lake Tahoe

Touring the Disney Music Hall in Los Angeles

And all the while my attention has been on the future, gearing up for the release of my book in November (so soon now!), and the birth of our baby in the winter.

I do my best to stay as present as possible, given so much on the horizon, because I know that while planning for the future is useful (and I can't help it--I'm an obsessive 'planner'), it can also get in the way of experiencing my life as it is today. My husband helps me stay in 'the now,' reminding me often that I'll never have this summer again: newly wedded and pregnant for the first time, every day a surprise!

Catching Up

2008-07-12T10:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a whirlwind summer already! We spent three weeks back east for our wedding and honeymoon, and I have to say, dreams can come true! My wedding day was, indeed, the best day of my life. In fact, the whole week of the wedding was amazing, full of parties and festivities, friends and family. I have re-lived the moment many times of stepping out to walk down the aisle on my father's arm, and each time I get chills and can hardly believe it--a very powerful, emotional moment.

Photo by Stephanie Gross

After a relaxing, sleep-filled honeymoon on the Outer Banks, it's been back to work for me! This summer involves mostly planning for the fall, a few big events:
In September, the annual NEDA Conference will be held in Austin, Texas, and I'm excited to be speaking on a panel with several others about exercise in the eating disorder treatment setting.
Then in October, Summit is hosting a one-day event with four great speakers here in Sacramento.
And...drumroll please...! In November, my book comes out!

In the meantime, I'm trying to survive the dry heat of 100+ degrees and smoky skies, a terrible side effect from the Northern California wildfires. Oh, what I'd do for a big east coast rain storm at a time like this! Happy July. :)

France's New Bill

2008-04-16T10:19:00.000-07:00

I just sent this email to several of my friends...thought I'd post on here as well

You've maybe seen this in the news--but it raises an interesting debate. At what point does "freedom of expression" become outlawed? Jeffrey and I discussed on our way home from the gym this morning...

For instance, Jeffrey and I both agree that it should be illegal for people to bike while listening to headphones, because it endangers other people on the road. The pro-"ana" and "mia" websites are also harming other people, but Jeffrey draws the line there and does not believe that this behavior should be criminalized. He defends, "This is freedom of expression. I don't like what these people are expressing, but I don't want to criminalize expression." But aren't they both personal freedom choices? Whether to bike with headphones, whether to help people be unhealthily thin? Both personal choices, but both endangering other people. Where do YOU draw the line?

I'm not actually sure where I stand. I don't like laws that infringe of my personal freedom but I also get really annoyed when I see people biking with their ipod on AND when I see young girls starving themselves to death (both of which I see on a daily basis!). In an ideal world, I think I would like everyone to be educated and enlightened enough to make healthy choices themselves, without having the government make those choices for them. But if that isn't a reality, where do we, as a society, draw the line? So, something to think about...

Inspiration

2008-04-15T21:34:00.000-07:00

I've been spending some time lately thinking about inspiration. You know, the stuff that makes me want to be my best self, stay happy and engaged in life. And I've come up with a little list...

1) My friend Whitney
2) Yoga classes
3) Walking in the sunshine
4) Really great books (lately I'm re-reading Faulkner's As I Lay Dying which is probably my all time favorite novel...)
5) Oprah. It's true! She's amazing.
6) My job. I'm SO LUCKY to have a job that inspires me!!!
7) Nice houses
8) NPR
9) My brother

Anyway, why am I thinking about this lately? I guess I've been evaluating how I spend my time. For instance, how much time am I "wasting" vs. engaging in a pastime that inspires me and helps me grow? Now, if you're reading this you already know I'm all about balance, and I totally think that eating ice cream and watching a chick flick is, sometimes, the absolutely best thing to do. But I'm also aware of my habits and patterns, and how regularly I waste away my evenings surfing the web or watching television, when maybe, just maybe, making another choice might feel more inspiring or invigorating. I've been playing around with making different choices, even small things.

Daytime Peach: Playing frisbee with my brother in San Francisco

For instance, I rarely pick up the phone after 7pm unless it's my fiance or my sister. I think in part this is a treat to myself: my evenings are my own, and I like them mellow and stress-free. Plus, I don't believe that I am "on call" just because I own a telephone. So, I make the choice to let it ring, and I wait to listen to the message until I feel like it. I think, for the most part, this is okay.

But then sometimes I realize that I'm letting my phone ring even when it's one of my best friends calling, and all I'm doing is watching "Everybody Loves Raymond" re-runs. Maybe, just maybe, sometimes talking to one of my girls would be more satisfying than watching a sitcom I've already seen. So, what would it be like to pick up the phone?

Nighttime Peach: PJ's at 7pm, the couch, and the laptop!

I have this weird identity dichotomy where I'm Peach #1 during the day and Peach #2 in the evening. All day long I'm super productive, getting through all my work, exercising, preparing nice meals, cleaning the house, but then after dinner I shift into nighttime Peach, who can't bother putting her clothes away and drifts into chill-out oblivion complete with fro yo and re-runs. And. I. (kind of) Love. It.

But it doesn't inspire me. And sometimes it makes me feel depressed. So I'm playing around with how to keep the inspiration alive even when it's nighttime. My hunch is that I veg out at night because I'm plum tired! I really go go go all day. I am super woman, type A to the max, all about productivity and progress, so I think at night I'm just pooped and I need to relax. I just wonder...is there a way to relax that doesn't feel like a total personality switch? I'm thinking I might have to start a post-dinner bubble bath ritual followed by reading poems in bed or something. Doesn't that sound...like a more inspiring version of junk food and TV?

So my verdict is: Again, it's all about the balance. There's nothing wrong with spending an evening snacking with a movie on, unless it becomes habitual, thereby losing it's calming effect and becoming a sort of depressing habit. And then, well, I've got my bubbles waiting in the bathroom!

Exercise and Eating Disorders

2008-04-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

I found an article about exercise and eating disorders that I like. Some of the authors warning signs match my own characteristics of exercise bulimia.

Why She Feels Fat

2008-03-28T16:15:00.001-07:00

A plug for the new edition of my boss, Dr. Tony Paulson's, book--it's the best resource out there for loved ones of those struggling with an eating disorder. You can order it here!

Lacrosse in California

2008-03-17T14:31:00.001-07:00

We drove down to Claremont, California this weekend to watch my sister play in a lacrosse game against Pomona. Her school, Sewanee, aka The University of the South, kicked some serious west-coast booty and won the game 12-10.

Lacrosse is a pretty common sport in Virginia, where I grew up. I played, along with pretty much everyone else I knew, but it seems lots of people in California don't even know about the game.

I haven't played on a lacrosse team since the eighth grade, and never was really very good at it anyway, but watching Tor with her college classmates run around the field was super duper inspiring. I wish I could do college over again!

Eating Disorders on the Radio

2008-02-26T08:34:00.001-08:00

Click here to listen to my radio interview yesterday on Capital Public Radio.

University Talks This Week

2008-02-25T08:55:00.000-08:00

Happy NEDAW Everyone!

Just a reminder...

I'll be speaking at UC Davis on Wednesday
and
at UC San Francisco on Thursday
and
At UC Berkeley on March 11!

all Exercise and Eating Disorders all the time!

That's me snowshoeing near Lake Tahoe over New Years

Email me with questions; peach.friedman@gmail.com

TV and Radio on Monday!

2008-02-22T20:26:00.001-08:00

Monday February 25
Yours truly on KCRA TV, approx. 7:45am...
...then on Capital Public Radio's show Insight at 2pm.

Tune in!